So, why is it so damn hard to say "no"?
Even when every ounce of my being wants to scream "NO" often times I find myself creating a story about creating a possibility. So the no I give is more of a, not now, but soon, you can continue to count me in or count on me. Why do i do that? What is wrong with me? Am I alone or do others do the same thing. I then spend the following hours beating myself up with inner dialog about how dumb I am and why I should have just said no and ended it. Whether it be a relationship I was in during my High School years or a volunteer commitment in my 40's, this behavior has continued and today I commit to say, "enough is enough!" Am I doing anyone any justice by prolonging the certain "no"? I know better, and you know what they say, "when you know better you do better". Well, this has not been the case in my life. You see, I know better and I've been doing worse. But I am fascinated with this process. It's all in the journey and not the destination. The journey can be defined as self love and self acceptance. But at times, the journey can direct you down a rabbit hole filled with self pity and judgement and you can really piss yourself off. My delay in just giving the inevitable "no" creates more tension and confusion for all involved. So I do realize that the boy I said that I wasn't available for the movies that night then spent the next 3 weeks avoiding his calls would have been much more effective with a simple "no thank you" sparing him and me a lot of pain. Later in life, saying a firm "no" to my daughters when they asked for pretty much anything that I didn't want them to have, would have been painful due to their in store tantrum, however, the next 5 trips to the store I may have averted their constant nagging to purchase that item, over and over again. Today, I find myself being asked to help out with volunteer opportunities that may be wonderful, amazing and fulfilling, however, with my tight schedule and my commitment to self care (walking every morning for an hour and a half) I really should just consciously make the decision to say "best of luck, but I'm really over committed right now" .
Life is funny like that, the lessons you need to learn keep showing up like a bad penny. Until you are aware that there is a pattern of behavior that does not suit you, it will continually confront you. Situations will arrise with the same theme but cloaked in different situations. When you take the time to connect the dots, you may find the answer you seek. Be open to this growth process, embrace it, and then stay commited to solving your lesson. Then create a lesson plan for the future and create coping tools that will help you overcome the behavior next time it rears its ugly head. I am learning to just say "no" to be completely honest, it started as a "not today" then it moved to "not for a while" and finally to this....
I honor my commitment to myself and all that makes me happy and whole. I acknowledge that I may let myself and others down sometimes and that is ok, that is called life and I am continually growing and learning. Today I choose what's best for me so I need to respectfully decline, and with my head held high, I whisper "no thank you". I am still working towards the day when the whisper becomes a declaration.
Namaste Sweaty Selfie Sorority