I woke up this morning disturbed, annoyed and in an overall badish mood. It was an underlying feeling, not one I had yet labeled as such. It started with just minor hints that I was a bit "off". My husband had snored all night, so that may have been a clue that I may in fact have needed more rest, but I rolled out of bed to begin my day anyways. That is when things actually got disturbing.
I was disturbed by the fact that I had to actually get out of bed. It was still dark out and I could hear the rain pounding on the rooftop while the wind whistled through the trees right outside my bedroom window. Oh, those trees, that I have waited all year to see their leaves change into vibrant colors of red, orange and yellow, only to recognize that they would soon be whisked away by this rainy day before I am able to truly enjoy their beauty. That really sucks. And to top it off I would be the one raking them up in the following weeks. Double suck!
I then began thinking about other things that I currently had no control over in my life that bothered me. Some of these thoughts were in support of friends who were being taken advantage of, and I wanted to be the voice to speak out for them in outrage... Situations my children were dealing with in school and with friends (I use the term friends in this case loosely, but that is their challenge to discover on their own in their due time) and terrible news on the health and prognosis of a woman in town that I admired. It was all so burdensome and heavy and most importantly out of my control as well. Let me say that again...this is the aha moment I had and I want to share it with you. IT WAS ALL OUT OF MY CONTROL!
So then what?
It became time to turn this negativity around...so I started with coffee because coffee makes any moment better! This is a true story, it really does (well at least for those of us mildly obsessed with and addicted to it. I obviously fall into that fanatical group)
I poured my first cup of freshly brewed coffee and for a moment I was lulled into the comfort in my cup. There truly is nothing like that first cup of coffee, all warm and strong and full of caffeine. I enjoyed this moment until I was, yet again, brought back to into a disturbed state. This was brought upon by the morning news. Christ, the news is disturbing. That is the only word I would use to describe it, with a capital D! So i shut the television off and diverted my attention to my social media newsfeed on my phone to pass the time until I would have to saddle up and drive my daughter to school. That was not a good idea either.
Social media is not a place to frequent when you are feeling annoyed. Trust me, it will only amplify this feeling. You will begin to either judge others or feel less than. Few of us can actually navigate Facebook joyfully and devoid of such feelings. I should have known better.
Airplane mode was not just created for airplanes as implied, But also for those of us who do not wish to be bothered... So I would spend the rest of my day in airplane mode. Now I at least had a plan. Airplane mode would be my invisible shield.
To get at the root of why I was feeling so disturbed, I decided to go on dictionary.com to look up its true meaning, this is what I discovered. As an adjective the word meant "marked by symptoms of mental illness" yikes, ok maybe I should look at it as a verb, here's what I found under verb, "to interrupt the quiet, rest, peace, or order of; unsettle" That was what I was feeling. This became my diagnoses. As a life coach, I was disturbed by the fact that I was feeling disturbed. And I would need to pull myself out of this state. So here's the plan I came up with:
1. How am I feeling (checking in with myself)
2. Why? (this is the story part, the story I'm either making up in my head or actually experiencing)
3. Control, is it in my control? Or out of my control? proceed accordingly
*If in my control: what steps can I take to make it better. Can I look for explanations, further insight...am I making assumptions and judgments or do I know the entire story or situation? Being more mindful of the situation and searching to improve it rather than get lost in it.
*If out of my control: then why worry? Why continue to wallow in the misery or the uncomfortable feelings. What is this situation teaching me, is there a silver lining or a lesson to be learned for the future.
4. What is my goal or intention...peace, quiet, rest and a feeling of being settled...which turns out to be the opposite of disturbed.
So with a plan in place, I carried on with my day. I went for a walk in the quiet solitude of the beach. I settled into the things I enjoyed, such as reading, walking my dogs, an egg sandwich on a wholegrain bagel and I rested my mind from all negativity.
I have Chosen to turn this day around...although there is a strange sense of comfort found in being somber and irked, feeling carefree and happy takes alot more work, but once you get there, it truly is worth all of the effort.