What I learned about myself from being a motherless daugther

When the Mourning turns into Morning

The relationship between a mother and a daughter is a very special bond unique to every individual. In my case, my mother was an extension of me, a part of me that I couldn’t imagine living without.  I was forced to learn how to do so after losing my mother to breast cancer. This loss had a profound effect on me, one that shaped the mother, sister, wife and woman that I am today.

When faced with the devastating loss of my mother in my early 20’s, it was as if I had lost a limb. I was out of balance, desperately trying to regain my footing. I felt cheated, sad, angry and alone. The void was painful and left me tender with emotion. I recall the great support of friends and family immediately following her passing and their love was the crutch that supported me during the immediate days. When the mourning turned into morning, and everyone returned to their personal lives, I was left alone with my thoughts and memories. I allowed myself to embrace the awkwardness of my deep personal emotions and pain. I would cry in the middle of the grocery store when I smelled the perfume from a passerby that reminded me of her soft scent. Watching sentimental television commercials created unexpected attacks of anguish. This went on for some time until one day, I experienced an overwhelming sense of calm. Out of nowhere, I felt the comfort and support that I craved similar to the comfort and support my mother had always provided me. This shift was profound and changed my life forever. Looking back it was my greatest “aha” moment.   I realized that all of the support and love I ever needed existed within me. My mother had instilled in me unconditional love. She was my teacher, and I was a late learner.  As life sometimes happens, her loss became my greatest lesson in life.  I just wish she was able to witness and celebrate her impact on me, as there is no greater gift then the gift of pure unconditional love.

Self-Love, is all you need.  

When I was able to tap into a deeper sense of love, one that seemed foreign to me up to this point in time, life became so much easier and I was able experience inner peace and joy.  Uncovering the concept of self-love was a game changer and has shaped the woman I am today. I seek acceptance within myself before looking for it in others. I tap into my inner guide which I have named “Phyllis” (in honor of my mother Phyllis Tobias Moloney) to help me with decision making, I trust all of the answers I seek lie within. When fear creeps into my life, I am able to turn it into motivation by actualizing perspective which leads to empowerment.  This journey of self-discovery as a result of the loss of my mother, has enabled me to inspire my children to trust themselves and the power that exists within each of them. We are all greater and wiser than we appear to be, we just need to uncover our own magnificence and simply love.

Megan Murphy, CPC,ELI-MP