I've got my OWN back...one woman's journey!
It has been three years since I abruptly sold my business and set out on an unexpected journey of self-discovery. And what a wild three years it has been. So much so that I have created a personal # for this period of my life #IvegotmyOWNback !
In 2014, I had had it! I felt as if I were living a lie. To the outside world, I was successful, accomplished and happy. I only know this because that is what people would say to me in casual conversation, "you have accomplished so much" or "It's amazing how successful your business has become”, “You must be so proud". These conversations revealed a great disconnect with the way things seemed from the way things were in my life. Thankfully this made me acutely aware that something was wrong. I realized that my life had become out of balance. And what does one do when their life becomes unbalanced? We try to fix the problem by overcompensating. This overcompensation plan backfired (as it so often does) thus, creating the equivalent of a full-blown midlife crisis. There was a lot of confusion, resentment, sadness and bloating. To be honest, there was a lot of bloating!
I think that was what woke me up, all of that puffiness and overcompensating... It was exhausting and uncomfortable!
It's easy to lose yourself in the midst of remaining busy and rushed all the time. It gives one a false sense of being important or something. It’s a life controlled by ego. Appearing important and feeling important are two completely different things. I realized that I needed to appear less and feel more, however this transition was not an easy one to make. In fact, there are no directions for such a transition. And there are no YouTube video's because that would be too damn easy, wouldn't it?
The entire process seemed confusing. It was like packing up my suitcase for a trip with all the items I thought I would need for an unknown destination.
I no longer resonated with the woman I had become, and I had lost sight of my younger self who was filled with goals and dreams. I realized in that moment that I needed to make a major life change and selling the business I had built over the prior twelve years was my answer.
So, that was what I did. I sold my business without a plan. All that I knew was that I was starting over. My so-called plan consisted of simply taking a leap of faith and figuring out my landing gear on the way down. Some would call this foolish, I found the process to be exciting. I began by remaining open to new opportunities and viewing my days as adventurous rather than tedious. It worked... I had become curious about life again.
Three years have gone by and each day I am rediscovering new things about myself. This long lost “me” seems foreign yet so familiar. It is like reconnecting with a childhood best friend after many years have passed by. All I want to do is to sit with her and catch up, to hear all about her travels. I want to embrace her imperfections and laugh with her about her insecurities.
I begin each day by telling her how much I have missed her company, that I have always felt her presence and that I am sorry for any distance I put between us over the years. She and I have picked up right where we left off so many years ago, when I decided that pleasing others was more important than remaining friends with her. She waited patiently for me, and for that I am forever grateful. I will not waste another moment worrying about what others think, or creating unrealistic expectations, rather she and I will continue to collaborate to help others #gettheirOWNback.